• You Do Not Deserve to Be Abused

  • Domestic violence happens in all communities to people of every age, color, gender, religion, sexual orientation and income. Abusers are not easy to spot. They often only abuse behind closed doors. Here are some, but not all, of the ways abusers try to control their partners.

    • Saying bad things about you much of the time
    • Getting angry with you 
    • Not letting you see your family or friends
    • Destroying your things
    • Using your children against you
    • Putting you down in front of others
    • Making you have sex when you don’t want to
    • Not letting you use the car, bank accounts, credit cards,  and controlling all the money
    • Not letting you go where you want, when you want
    • Hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, shoving, or biting you
    •  Acting very jealous or overprotective

    If you are in an abusive relationship, you are not alone. One in four women will be in an abusive relationship in their lifetime. It is not your fault. But leaving an abusive relationship can be complicated and may even be dangerous. Before leaving, think of:

    • Four places you can go
    • People who might help you
    • Getting a cell phone in your name only
    • Opening a bank account or charge card in your name only
    • Excuses to leave the house or apartment, such as taking out the garbage or walking the dog
    • How and when to take your children with you safely
    • Packing a bag with things you use every day and hiding it where it is easy to get to. Items you might take with you include: Money (cash); keys to the car, house, work; extra clothes; medicine; important papers for you and your children such as passports or green cards, birth certificates, social security cards, school and medical records, credit cards and bankbooks, divorce and custody papers; pictures, jewelry, and other things that mean a lot to you; items for your children

    Before leaving an abusive relationship, you and your family’s safety is most important. To ensure that safety:

    • Have phone numbers for the police, hotlines, friends, or safe houses nearby. •  Tell friends or neighbors about the abuse. Ask them to call 911 if they hear angry or loud noises. •  Make up a code word and let friends and family know that when you use it you need help immediately.
    • Choose safe places in your home where there are exits and  no weapons. •  Think about ways to get any weapons there might be out of your house.

    There are resources for domestic violence assistance in every county. New York’s 24-hour domestic violence hotline has multi-language accessibility. Call 800.942.6906.